“No thank you, I won’t be able to go out with you to the Lebanese restaurant this Friday. I have to prepare some pizzas for Anthony’s friends who will come here. I’m so sorry dear! Maybe, next time.” Lara replied with an over-reactive, joyful attitude. She realized that this should be sounded definitely faked to her best friend, Stella. And also, that Stella is just a human being and despite her good intentions, after so many rejections, she might never invite her anywhere ever again.
“But I don’t care anymore!” She thought. After George’s sudden death by heart attack, almost two years ago, she was not able to follow any of their old friends, not even Stella and her husband, Lee. She continued living as usual, but something had changed for ever. After nineteen years of a happy marriage, the ‘we’ should be replaced by the ‘I or me’ and she hated this.
After his death she continued going to the super market, where she was working as a cashier, she continued being or trying to be a good housekeeper, a good mother, as much good a mother be with a teenager, a good daughter for her parents, but, she erased anything that might remind her good life with George: Their common friends.
Every single day of the week, during afternoon and late nights, Lara preferred the loneliness of her living room. It was her hide-out of the difficulties of life. After having dinner with Anthony, she used to take a hot bath and with her pale yellow robe she was sitting on the green velvet sofa with relief. She was accustomed to listen to the old-fashioned music George used to listen, while reading her favourite mystery book series from Agatha Christie. And that was all the entertaining she got and she wanted to have in her life: Alone with her thoughts.
“Are you all right now?” Her cousin Rachel asked her one day. “Me, yes! Of course. We are fine. Every aspect of our life is under control.” She replied politely, yet a little fake.
Yes, she continued being as good as possible to everyone in all her roles, but what about her life? What about the depression symptoms she had? She was resourcefully hiding them behind a carefree attitude and behaviour, but the pain was in there, deep in her chest.
She was constantly avoiding all her friends. She couldn’t stand seeing any of them. She didn’t even want to see her best friends Stella and Roy any more. Her mind was full of memories of all those summer nights at their backyard garden having dinner with them. She can even hear George’s hoarse voice:
“Come on Lee, I am an excellent driver! You just don’t know how to move a car!” Since George knew Lee’s insecurity on driving and he was teasing him.
“So many Christmas and New Year Eve’s we were together…” Thought Lara sadly, while she was trying to concentrate to her book, once again. All the laughs, images and feelings with them all being together laughing, teasing and having good time together were a distant past for Lara.
Stella tried numerous times to drag her out of the house; initially, on a weekly basis.“Come on dear, George would never like you, his loving wife to stay all alone in the house Saturday night! Anthony is at cinema with our kids, John and Alice. What are you doing all alone there? Do you want me to come over?”
But Stella was always turned down by Lara’s excuses. “No, no dear I’m just fine! There is no need to worry about me! I mean it! Your interest means so much to me.” And that was it: A nice, gentle denial.
The last time Lara turned down Stella, she became furious. And she decided to act as soon as possible. “Lee I will go to see her and speak with her at any cost! I don’t mind even if I will lose her friendship. Enough is enough! It’s Friday night and she stays all alone, once again!” Said Stella worriedly.
She parked her red station-wagon just outside their house. There was no appearance of human being in there, just a slight light in one window. She knocked the door bell. A few minutes later, she saw Lara in her yellow robe holding a book on his left hand. “What are you doing here Stella?” She wasn’t excited to see her. Lara’s eyes were red, apparently she was crying again.
“I really need to speak to you! It won’t take long, I promise.” Stella rushed into the dimly-lit house. “Sit, please.” Lara pointed at the white and blue tartan armchair George used to sit in the past.
“All right, here is the case. I can see you avoiding us in any way you can. And I don’t take it personally. I have to admit that I cannot understand fully what you’ve been through all these painful moths without George. But, I can see that you don’t try hard enough to help yourself.
”By staying all alone here, in the dark, in this living room does not assist your son, you and you don’t let George to leave. He would never want you to be so depressed and so unwilling to live! It is like you are committing suicide slowly, at an emotional level!” Stella took a deep breath and left without any other comment.
She was relieved to say what she had in mind, and she was sad that she knew that she had lost her friend. “But, she was not in my life, anyway!” Thought Stella, just to comfort her mind.
A full month had passed, and then one Thursday night, while Stella was preparing tomorrow’s lunch, she heard a knock on her kitchen door. “Who would be that late? You, Lara, here?” Said Stella full of surprise. “Yes, it’s me! May I come in?” “Sure! Please do!” Stella replied with a smile.
“I want to apologise Stella! I was so angry and frustrated with what had happened to George and me, that I didn’t have any courage to live. You were so right that night! I was committing suicide and I had to think about my beloved son and my own life. He (and there her voice trembled), would never want me to be miserable and unhappy. And above all, I have to live for him.
”From now on, I promise that I will try to start mingling with other people. And that’s why I came here; I would love to have you all tomorrow evening at our house. I would like to prepare a dinner for all of us, as we used to do… and as we will do, from now on, in the memory of him.” Said Lara with tears of joy and hugged her best friend.
